Holding my breath

I remember stuff
I just don’t remember stuff
OK how’s this?
Coleman’s birth
In the operating room
Roz is having a C-section
It’s been a scary few hours
The room is bright
Really, really bright
Not like on ER
That’s mood lighting
Surgeons have to be able to see
Duh
Smells?
Can’t smell anything
Sounds?
The sounds of doctors babbling
As they cut Roz open.
I’m listening AND
Trying to talk over them
So Roz doesn’t hear what they’re saying
“I’ve never seen anything like this…”
“Move your hand…”
“Don’t touch that…”
“Do it like this…”
“He’s out…”

We listen
The cry
I exhale

Now I know why I couldn’t smell anything
I’d stopped breathing
Holding my breath
Waiting
Waiting for the little boy
Who will call me
Daddy