One Of Them

I remember the moment I became one of "them." One of those parents. I found myself playing the - What does your child do game.

They were hanging out in the lobby - I knew they didn't live in our building, her son Jackson was sitting in a $829 Bugaboo stroller, nobody in our building has one of those.

As we walked by, she asked how old Coleman was, "one year next Tuesday," I replied. Coleman gave her his best 2 tooth smile. She replied, "look at that beautiful smile," then she added "by a year Jackson already had eight teeth." Bitch! Here we go!

"Wow eight teeth already," I can't stand her, but I'm smiling. I asked not really caring."How old is Jackson?" "He's 14 months old, she grinned while wiping Jackson's nose. 14 months? I was still doing the baby month math when I asked, "how old was Jackson when he started to walk?"

She said - I love this part - "he's not walking yet." Gotcha!!! Bee-Acth!!

I fixed a stare as I lowered the boom. "Coleman started walking 3 weeks ago."

Trying to mask the hurt and disappointment on her face, "he's walking already."

Smiling so big, she could see my lower intestine, "yep he's on the go."

Pulling at the seams of her size 18 Seven jeans, "Jackson shows no interest in walking."

If I was being tooled around in a $829 stroller, I wouldn't show any interest in walking either. I didn't say that of course, but I transmitted it telepathically as Coleman and I were waving goodbye.

Then I did a terrible thing y'all.

I took Coleman out of his stroller so she and Jackson could watch him walk away. Coleman was tired and not in the mood, but somehow he sensed my need to be an ass. And he obliged.

When we were out of sight, I picked him up and promised him a pony.

One of them and proud of it.