School

I love Coleman's school. PS 51 has been amazing. He has great, great, great teachers. They are smart and nurturing and firm and he loves them. In just two months there's been this explosion of learning and an eagerness to do more and learn more. Every kid in public school, not just mine, deserves these kinds of teachers. But alas I know the deserve has got nothing to do with it. I knew a guy who was a teacher who boasted about how he would give assignments so he could finish reading his newspaper, during class. I don't talk to him anymore. Now I wish did, I would give him a giant, giant piece of my mind. I gonna find him on face book and "friend" him.

You told Harpo to beat me!

This discipline thing is such a beast. Time out, spanking, pinching, naughty chairs, privileges lost, talking, talking, talking. The problem is it'll be years before we know if what we chose to do worked! Maybe decades.
Today I heard a woman yell at her almost 3 year old, "if someone hits you, hit them back, I don't care who it is." Then she swatted him on his behind, I really got on my judgment horse. "How could she treat her child that way, he's only a baby?" blah, blah, blah. I had to stop myself.

She's only doing what she knows how to do. Aren't we all?

Our Own Town Hall

5pm around here has been hell on wheels. He's been up since 7, so he's tired, he's hungry but you don't want to give him snacks because then he won't eat his dinner. So he's just been this screaming, crazy maniac. It's like he's at a town hall meeting on health care and all he wants is his country back. It lasts in varying degrees for about an hour. Then just as quickly he snaps out of it and the sweetest boy you've ever seen looks at you with big saucer plate eyes and says "I'm sorry." Your heart melts and you take him in your arms and even though you don't mean it, you promise there will never, ever, ever be a public option for health care.

it's our job

Where are you? What are you doing? Pick that up? Put that away? Don't touch that? What did you say? I didn't hear you say thank you? Stop picking your nose? Did you wipe? Did you flush? Did you wash your hands? The constant monitoring - is exhausting.

But I guess it's what we signed up for.

Get in there

Look at him, he's only 4, 5 next month. He looks like he's about 37 years old. It's been a rough few months on the boy. He had a fever spell lasted about 4 or 5 days, maybe swine flu, doctor was too scared to tell us. Then he busted his lips at summer camp. He slammed his little fingers in something, the tips were black and blue for a couple weeks. Then an inner ear infection, left ear smelled like vomit. Got that cleared up with some antibiotics. Then right on the heals of that was an outer ear infection, some skin rash on his earlobe gone haywire. Required hospitalization for a couple days while they pumped him full of antibiotics via IV. I won't bore you with the details of how much fun it's not trying to set up an IV in the arm of a four year old. But Coleman took it like a champ, they immobilized his arm with a splint so the IV wouldn't come out and Coleman dealt with that splint like it was part of his arm. I was so proud. I was really proud of how brave my boy was.

Slide, Tap

Roz was rehearsing today. Coleman and I took a trip to the Apple store, the power cord on my laptop wasn't working so I went there to exchange it.
If you've never been to the Apple store, they have this bank of computers, about two feet off the ground, the perfect height for curious toddlers. Any day of the week you'll see 2, 3, and 4 year olds sitting at these computers just clicking away.
They are not afraid, not intimidated, not phased at all by computers.

This is a picture of Coleman showing Grandpa Roosevelt how to use my iPhone!! Slide, slide, tap, tap, slide, tap. A few more lessons and Grandpa will be ready to go out on his own!

I kissed a girl

So the big song for last summer 2008 was "I kissed a girl." Sung by a girl. So there was an uproar, because OMG girls are kissing girls and they like it. I read a blog by a father who was frightened for his young child, frightened by a world where his child would learn about "them." So him and people like him voted Yes on Prop 8, making same sex marriages illegal in the state of California - Yes Melissa Ethridge move out of California and take your tax money with you. You too Deb and Sylvia.

The two ladies in this picture are girls that I know who kiss girls. They've been kissing girls for a very long time and have been kissing each other(when the kids are out of the house) for about 5 years.

"We want to protect the family" "We need to protect the children" the frightened Yes on Prop 8 people will tell you. Protecting us from What???

My family doesn't need any protecting from girl kissers. I know I live in NY and I'm in the arts, so it goes without saying that I'm a left wing liberal degenerate - But let me say it loud and clear - we love these girl kissers. I trust these girl kissers with the life of my child.

The really tough looking girl kisser on the left (who is an absolute mush) has played with my son for hours. A game they invented called "sleeping, hibernating animals." Sleeping/hibernating is redundant I know, but it's their game. Nobody else, not even me will play this game with Coleman.

The other girl kisser on the right, adapted and raised 2 boys, will attend your funeral even if she's never met you and has driven us to the emergency room in the middle of the night and sat with us till all was well (more than once I'm afraid.)

They love Coleman and Coleman loves them. How are we diminished by the love of another human being? Those frightened Yes on Prop 8 people get very defensive when you remind them that not so long ago interracial couples were thought to be just as vial an assault on humanity. They say it's not the same thing - the hell it isn't!

Somebody, anybody please tell to me in a clear rational voice, why there should be a LAW against these two tax paying, law abiding, society contributing girl kissers from marrying each other if they so choose.

You may not like girl kissers marrying, it may make you uncomfortable, you probably think it's a sin - but why should it be illegal?

Please SPLAIN!

He's heeeeeeere!

Good morning President Obama. I wish my grandparents and Obama's grandparents and Martin Luther King and Coretta Scott King and Malcolm X had lived to see this day.

I also wish Jesse Helms and Bull Connor were still around.

You're absolutely right Will.I.AM - "It's A New Day."

Bite Me.

Day 4 of Roz's trip to LA, 3 more to go. Longest Coleman has been separated from his mama. He misses her a lot. He still really has no sense of time, so "she'll be back in a week" means NOTHING! His phrase for something that's happened in the past is "remember when you took me to the park last year." If it was yesterday or last week, to him it was last year. School won't start until Monday. I've tried to fill the days with stuff besides TV. Today was the toughest day. He was just cranky, cranky, cranky. I'm really good at breaking him out of his "mood." Biting works really well. I just pick up an arm or a leg and I just come at him with my teeth. He's laughing so hard he can't stand up.

Yes We Can

Look at these boys, Coleman and his buddy Delcan, first picture maybe at 9 months. The 2nd one at 4 years.
This is the future of America folks. Deal with it.

We are a part of the Rhythm Nation

My almost 4 year old son has no rhythm and it's more troubling to me than perhaps it should be. To watch his little head bop from side to side to a beat of his own creation is funny, sweet and annoying. Yes I'm stereotyping, black people and rhythm and all that, but he's a black boy who is one day gonna be a black man and although I'm sure we'll still be doing the electric slide, which is somewhat forgiving to the uncoordinated, there will be other new dances. And in order not to be a social outcast at weddings, birthday celebrations, school dances and basement parties he's going to need to learn how to move to the beat.

He's young, I don't need to worry.
He'll get it. Right?

Testing my patience

I feel like I'm slowly being dragged into this vortex I swore I would never be a part of. The damn school dance.

So Roz called me in a state, "I talked to so and so, so and so said that her son is in so and so school and that he loves it and she loves it and it would be a perfect school for Coleman." So and so school is private. In order to get him into so and so school, he has to be tested. Really! For Kindergarten!! They've made it easier, you used to have to test at each school, but now its just one test and you can send the results to as many schools as you like. This new system has a double edged sword, because if you're kid does lousy on the test, he's marked till he retires from the chicken plucking factory.

Did I mention the test is $460?

Damn you so and so.

Coleman took the test, it'll be 4 weeks before we get the results. Roz took him to the testing facility, Coleman was ushered into a room by young bouncy Traci with and I. I only mention this because there was a little girl there at the same time waiting to be tested and her tester was Dr. So and So. Why didn't we get a doctor instead of a camp counselor? Does Traci with an I have the skills to recognize my sons unearthed genius. Will Traci with an I prevent my son from getting into school so and so because she fails to see the sophistication in a little boy laughing uncontrollably every time he says the word poopy. (OK, I'm laughing now, poopy is a funny word.)

Damn you so and so.

One hour and did I mention it was $460 later - Coleman emerged from the room. What did Coleman remember from his time with Traci? He told us that he told her that "Declan's diaper exploded and baby Hoyt doesn't know how to share." Gifted and talented program here we come.

Before I mislead you, let me tell you Coleman is easily one of smartest kids in his circle. His powers of observation astound us and his vocabulary is off the chain. But at almost 4 he is very particular about when and where he will share his gifts. And it is almost NEVER when we need him to.

Damn you so and so.

A Star is Born

Meet Latka. Coleman put on a pair of my flip flops, took a purse of Roz's and slung it over his shoulder, he dropped his voice an octave and when we asked him who he was, he said his name was Latka. Latka was a client who was here for his acting session with Roz.
Roz asked Latka if he would be up for an interview, he agreed -

After that Latka joined us for dinner and about half way through, he dropped his fork and I handed it to him, he said "thank you daddy," realizing he dropped character and called me daddy he said "oh Coleman is back."

Our dream for Coleman to be a banker/lawyer/Beverly Hills OB-GYN gets dimmer every day.

Seeing the future

So my two year old nephew baby Hoyt says Obama, every time he seems him on TV. My sis and bro n law taught him to do that. We were a little embarrassed because we hadn't taught Coleman who Obama is. Basically if it wasn't on the Noggin Channel (commercial free channel for preschool kids) Coleman didn't know about it. So I finally decided to introduce Coleman to Obama, fortunately it was the week he went to the middle east and Europe so he was on TV a lot. "When you see that guy on TV, you say Obama." He got the hang of it very quickly. But I never noticed how many 40 something short haired black men there were on TV, mostly reporters, cause Coleman mistook a couple of them for Obama. He's got it straight now. Really didn't take him that long. "OBAMA." "Good boy."

I'm such a political junkie. I'm tuned into every Sunday morning political show, Meet the Press (God speed Tim Russert,) Mclaughin Group, This Week with George Stephanapolous, Chris Matthews, I watch them all, even racist Fox (I believe you have to know what the enemy is saying.) I'm a little surprised at myself for taking so long to introduce him to Obama. I guess a little or big part of me is not ready to accept that America is ready to accept that this black man (yes he's black y'all) should be our next President. I just feel like everyone is waiting for the other shoe to drop. He's too perfect, he's too smart, he's too well liked, he's too educated, he's too unflappable, his wife is all of the above, his children are gorgeous. We need another four years of stupid is as stupid does.

I feel like people are waiting for the excuse not to vote for him.

He's too young - yes by all means lets elect a 72 year old man who can't lift his arms and whose medical file from only the past two years is 1200 pages.

He's an elitist - yes by all means lets elect a man with 7 homes and a private jet.

I'm not gonna worry any more. Every night, the six o'clock news leads off with a story about a black man. A black who didn't kill or rob or rape. He simply wants to change the world. That's the future.

Happy Fathers Day

Coleman wanted to get me a Dinosaur for Father's Day. It's the same thing he wanted to get Roz for Mother's Day. I got a shoulder bag to carry my laptop. Coleman calls it my man purse. "Don't forget your man purse daddy."

Twins

People say we look just alike. I don't know what the heck they're talking about.

blah, blah, blah

Parent teacher conference. - "We love Coleman, we don't understand what he's saying. We understand 2 out of every 30 words. Also you may want to get his hearing checked, we call him and call him, sometimes he doesn't respond."

That's easy I say, nothing wrong with his hearing, he's just ignoring you till you say something interesting. 30 words? Glad to know he's talking up a storm, even if it is apparently gibberish.

It was a hard thing to hear, that your son is not hearing, but it turned out to be something. Those damn ear infections, the ones he's been getting off and on his whole life, well apparently it did more damage than we thought. We took him to an ENT specialist. Doctor Arrogant says it's like Coleman is listening under water, the amount of fluid in his ears was causing up to a 40 percent hearing loss. So no wonder his speech was bad. The solution - ear tubes. Doctor Arrogant says it's a must, he's done the surgery hundreds of times, it only takes 5 minutes, he'll be better almost immediately.

Dr. Arrogant was right. Coleman had the surgery at 8am, it was over at 8:15am, we were at breakfast and he was back to normal by 10:30am. That afternoon on the subway, he had to cover his ears, the train was so loud. The only residual from the surgery - he can't get his ears wet or it will damage the tubes, so for baths and swimming and such, he has to wear this headband and ear plugs. He'll be sportin this look until he outgrows the ear tubes, 6 months to a year, give or take. Makes him look like Esther Williams (am I dating myself or what!) But he took to it without fuss.

Got Jokes

I can't believe how long it's been since I blogged. Last time is when Coleman just turned 3, he's 3 and a half now.
So much has happened in 6 months, ear surgery, speech class, growth spurts, language explosion, he seems to comprehend so much, even subtle nuances of conversation. And jokes, he's telling jokes.
Knock, Knock
Who's There?
Booty?
Booty who?
Booty and tooty. Not that funny but cute.
It's followed by hysterical laughter. And then a bow. Yes he's learned to bow - deep, theatrical, bend at the waste, arms out, bows. Definitely gets that from his mother.

Petri Dish

Here is Coleman with his best buddy Declan. Coleman has a collection of snot at the base of his nose. I'm sure a couple of days after this picture, Declan had a collection of snot at the end of his nose.

Let me tell you something about kids and germs. In the 3 weeks since Coleman started preschool he has had a cold, fever, chest congestion, runny nose, diahrrea, a febrile seizure (4am emergency room vistit, not fun but he's fine) and an ear infection in both ears.

Roz has had chest congestion, sinus infection, a really bad cough and some "female problem" that she won't tell me about.

I have had chest congestion, bronchialitis (the younger cousin to bronchitis), runny nose, fever, a root canal and a heel spur.

I probably can't blame the kids for the heel spur or possibly the root canal, but how do we really know for sure.

Send in the Clowns

Yeah we hired a clown!! I feel like such a sellout. First we weren't even gonna have a party for Coleman's 3rd birthday. He had cupcakes at his preschool with the entire class. Then we took him on a special trip to a farm where he had his first pony ride. That shoulda been enough. But for some reason, and I can't even blame Roz for this I felt it as well, we decided we needed to do more. So we planned a party - for Saturday - it was already Wednesday.

It was a great party. The genius of last minute planning is that lots of invited people had plans already, so there weren't too many kids.

So the clown shows up about an hour into the party. We introduced Bingo the Clown to everyone.
"Coleman, Bingo is here for your party."
Coleman took him in for a moment. "Why are you dressed like that?"
"He's here for your party."
"I know, but why is he dressed like that?" It was a very funny moment.

It was also a very telling moment. You dress them and undress your kids everyday, sometimes a few times a day and you think they aren't paying attention, but he knew the clothes that clown was wearing was different from the clothes everyone else was wearing. Coleman is learning how to recognize and verbalize things that are out of the norm. Clothing is obvious thing to learn. So many things aren't that obvious.

A noose hanging from a tree. A taxi passing you by on the street. Hanging chad.

Thank God for now it's just clowns.